The Little Blank Space

In July 2020, at the end of lockdown #1 and after 20+ years of a settled (and indeed very happy) existence in the South East, we upped sticks and moved our entire life down to Cornwall.

We weren’t the first people to do this and we certainly won’t be the last, but for us, it was kind of a big deal.

So why did we do it? It’s a good question and one we’ve pondered a lot over the last few months (let’s face it, we’ve all had plenty of time to do some ‘pondering’ just lately). You see, spontaneous moves are just not something we’re particularly renowned for, We’ve never really been big risk takers. We’re kind of the planners and play by the rules couple in our gang of friends, and never the crazy zany ones….

 Whilst an almost magnetic pull towards a different way of being has always been there for us, perhaps the conveyor belt of life (particularly since we had kids) had us firmly buckled into the existence that we knew so well. The idea of ‘big-change’ was always pushed to the back of our minds – but in recent years that itch to take a turn off our well-trodden, seemingly predetermined path, began to grow.

We started to reassess and albeit tentatively, explore doing something a little different. One day Ben was discussing retraining and learning a trade (genuinely quite the curve ball!) so he could work outdoors instead of in the corporate world; the next, I was hell bent on setting up my own eco-business (still want to if I’m honest). We discussed a move abroad (which felt scary without specific vocations) and even looked at getting involved with diversifying a family farm.  The itch was firmly there – and we desperately wanted to scratch it.

 For anyone that knows Cornwall, it is of course, undeniably beautiful. From the rugged and dramatic Atlantic coast of the north, to the endless miles of the SW coastal path, through to the sheltered waters and hidden coves along the southern coast. Couple that with age-old fishing harbours, wild expanses of moorland, and the ever-evocative mining (and of course, smuggling) history. Oh and there’s surf…..lots of surf.

Our love affair with Cornwall, started, much as it does for most, with holidays. Every-time we were due to return from a break, we’d ask ourselves, “could we stay, could we actually live here?” We’d then return home, get sucked into work/life and until the next trip, Cornwall was all but forgotten.

That’s just real life though isn’t it? Dreams are great, but inevitably reality has to bite at some point. I guess once you’re back in your normal groove, the daily grind just takes over. This can be in wonderful, fulfilling ways (especially if you love what you do). A known routine can offer great security, but at times it can also become quite relentless, almost selfishly consuming your time, quietly eclipsing your dreams, until you all but forget that there are other ways of living and different paths to take.  Maybe, it’s that a big part of our identity comes from the way we choose to live our lives and saying out loud, that we need or want to change something, can be difficult to reconcile. Sometimes it’s just really hard to separate ‘the you’ from ‘the life’ you are leading. Do they actually marry up, or are they becoming increasingly at odds with one another? This is especially challenging when you feel this act of separation might just relinquish all the hard work and progress you’ve made over the years.  The bigger house, the better job, the friendships you have made, the settled lifestyle. The list goes on….

Making a big life change is pretty scary.

But, know what’s even scarier?

Regret.

If we were both truly honest, I think we never strayed far from the path we felt was already laid out for us. We were moving along quite nicely in our own little way – so why on earth would we make a leap into the unknown? What purpose could that ever fulfil?

For the last couple of years though, our personal ‘daily grind,’ just started to feel a little oppressive. It left us asking those big ….”is this it?” type questions. My husband (who had been dutifully winning those loaves of bread since the kids were small) had a series of jobs he pretty much hated, and I gave up my corporate career and took a job just because it was part time, reasonably well-paid, and I could fit it around the kids. We were firmly on a conveyor belt – certainly work wise – but that spilt into the rest of our lives too.

That’s not to say it was a horrible conveyor belt though….not by any stretch. Our life was GREAT, we were part of wonderful communities, had brilliant friends and the kids were always doing activities both in and out of school. Everyone was happy – just perhaps not 100% fulfilled.

Life was consuming though, and we started to note that we never seemed to have ‘enough’ of anything – ‘enough time’ to get on with sorting out the garden, ‘enough opportunity’ to have spontaneous fun together as a family, ‘enough motivation’ to start that project or ‘enough money’ to pay for the new windows we so desperately needed.  Even, ‘enough energy’ to make the effort to socialise and to see our family and friends regularly, (a hilarious concept, given recent times, when we’d all give our right arm to do just that!)

It didn’t mean we didn’t have ‘enough’ in the typical sense of the word. We definitely did. We lived in a spacious house, with a garden, in a lovely village. We were always moving forwards slightly. Not making giant leaps, but always edging, creeping our way along the path of progress. However, (and I think this is something that maybe just happens in your 40s) we were starting to question towards what……..?

Filling this blank space, certainly doesn’t have to mean the big uproot of your whole life though. Relocating or moving away isn’t a new thing and it also isn’t for everyone. For us however, this was a first step in working towards achieving a more authentic life that was genuinely in tune with who we are as people. For others it may well mean something very different.

What has become apparent to us, is that it’s all too easy to push this little blank space into the shadows. To forget it exists. It is however, an integral part of each and every one of us that deserves to be acknowledged if we want to feel a genuine sense of fulfilment and purpose. It allows us to connect our values and who we are as people, with the life we choose to lead.

Some people seem to have this all sussed out already. They are the lucky ones, who know what they want, who they are, and are firmly in the driving seat of their own existence, making choices to navigate their life onto the path of fulfilment. Life isn’t just about ‘stuff or status’ or even about where you choose to live, it’s about ‘meaning’ and they are the people that know how to live in a meaningful way.

Others like us, however, might still be working it all out. For some, maybe it’s all about a change of career, a side-line hustle that you’ve always wanted to get off the ground, a course that allows you to change your profession or learn a new skill.  Or indeed a bold move, perhaps to step away from the toxic relationships in your life, the people and scenarios that always take and rarely give back. Whilst it may well be the total cliché, perhaps it actually is the language you always wanted to learn or the travel you always meant to do, or even the first steps in making your health & wellbeing a priority. It could even be something as simple as choosing to use your free time in a different way.  Perhaps the filling of this space is something progressive; a gradual realisation that happens over time. Maybe it doesn’t always need that dramatic leap of faith or complete change of direction.

So, have we filled our blank space yet? Are we feeling suitably smug and perfectly fulfilled? Not on your nelly! It’s definitely still the beginning of a new journey for us. We’ve been living in pretty snug quarters for the last 8 months, whilst we’ve searched for our (hopefully) forever home. We’re still sussing out what work/earning money is going to look like, and like everyone else, we are just emerging on the other side of yet another national lockdown. Despite all of this, it feels like we are finally on the path to a life that truly fits with who we are as people. We came to Cornwall for more time together as a family, the chance to immerse ourselves in an outdoor lifestyle, and hopefully, in time, to find a way of combining where we live with a reasonable & fulfilling income stream. It’s our opportunity to fill our very own little blank space and whatever happens, we fully intend to seize it with both hands.

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